I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
