So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
