tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
