Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
