So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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