Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
