i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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