I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
