he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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