just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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