i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
