$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
