So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
