Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
