youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
