just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
