i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
