Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
