So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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