If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
