I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
