Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
