just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
