I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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