I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
