Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
