i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
