I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
