saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
