Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
