My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
