$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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