Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
