like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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