Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
