so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize