I think I am morally bankrupt
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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