I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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