It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
