sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
