yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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