Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
