I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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