the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
