well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
