i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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