Pappa wants mamma naked
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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