I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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