I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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