i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
