Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
