I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
