cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
