I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
