I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
