We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm too high and old for this...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
