Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
