i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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