do herpes really smell.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
