Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
