you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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