Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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