oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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