there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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