she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
