Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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