I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You can't motorboat a personality
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
