Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
