i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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