I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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