Your dad touched me again.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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