Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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