Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
