At least make sure they are 18
Why
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
