My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
