i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
this is an emotional support booty call
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
