so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So squirting runs in the family.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
