I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
