I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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