In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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