So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
