The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize