I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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