So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
