My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
