He uses pillows to masturbate.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
