it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize