Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
