I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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