Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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