Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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