Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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