New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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