Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
