My first STD was from a foam party
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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