Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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