Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
