shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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