and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
