if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
