Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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