So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
