Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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