She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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