he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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